This week has been a tough week for me. I attended a funeral for a church friend whose husband took his own life. I was okay at the funeral until I heard his sister speak and then it reminded me of all of my feelings I had when your Uncle Kevin left us in 2006. Bailey is so curious as to how Uncle Kevin left us, but I don't think she would understand at this point so I have told her that I will explain it to her when she is older. You both need to know this. Your Uncle Kevin loved you deeply and dearly. He was so good with both of you. You brought smiles to his face. When I think of you both with him, that's what I remember is his smiles and the energy you gave him. Bailey will always remember that her Uncle Kevin chased her around and around Nana and Paw Paw's house. As I listened to this man's sister speak, I remembered the pain inflicted and how hard it is to heal that pain. The only thing that got me through Uncle Kevin's funeral was knowing that the pastor had told us that 7-8 people had accepted Christ. I guess it made me feel more at ease because there seemed to be a purpose in his death which made it more explainable since I couldn't ask him about this sudden and final decision he had made. I am so sad for the family that this man left behind this week. He has two precious little girls that probably won't remember much about him. It's like it is with Emily. I try to tell her as much about Uncle Kevin as possible because I want her to know that he loved her and that he still cares for her, just in a different way now, through his family.
The second funeral I attended this week was for my dear friend, Tara's sister and her sister's 10 month old baby. They were killed in a car accident by a man that was likely drunk or high on drugs. This really seems so senseless. I instantly felt pain and sorrow for Tara and her family because this was her baby sister. She was 7 years old than her sister, just like I was 7 years older than Kevin. I remember treating Kevin like my little baby doll. In fact, that was my nickname for him, "Babydoll". It was just hard. My heart is aching for them. I am crying as I write this because I would never wish this pain and sorrow on anyone.
I am wondering if God is trying to use me this week to help these families cope with their losses. If so, I hope that I can live up to the job and be someone that they can listen to. When Uncle Kevin passed away, it was my dear neighbors that I attended Bible Study with, that rushed to our house to comfort me that dreaded day. God knew exactly what I needed and He provided. I am so eternally grateful for those women and emailed this week to reiterate my thankfulness of showing God's love and grace for me that day and ever since.
I guess the point of my title of today's blog is to tell you that sadness is inevitable in this world. It's happened since the day that Adam and Eve sinned and it's a consequence that will endure unfortunately until Jesus comes back. I long for day that sadness is wiped out of our vocabulary and we can be joyful everyday!
I just want you both to know that if something ever happens to me that I love you both so much. I can't even begin to express all of my feelings for you both. You have changed me in so many ways, it's countless. You showed me what unconditional love is. I never really understood God's unconditional love until you both arrived in my life. You love me despite my imperfections as a mother and forgive me on a daily basis. I hope that one day, you will look back at our days together and have fond memories and remember me as a good mother that loved you "more than you loved me" as we say now. :) I also hope that you can show that love to others in your life and that others around you can see that in you both.
I LOVE YOU BAILEY AND COLBY!
Just to change the topic for a minute. I wanted to tell you some major accomplishments you had this week. Bailey was so excited that she has moved up in her reading level. She told me that she could read all of the Little House on the Prairie books except one. I am soooooo proud of her! She is accomplishing more with her reading than I ever did as a kid. I HATED to read! Uncle Chad loved to read so maybe you bill both take after him! ;)
Colby also surprised me this week when he got up for school Friday morning. As soon as he was done eating breakfast, rather than turn on the TV, he picked up "Go, Dog, Go" and read the majority of it on his own!! Wow! I was soooo impressed!!!
My kids love to read! That was one of my hopes for both of you. I want you both to love to read and gain knowledge through what you read because I wasn't like that and I want you to be completely opposite of me in that regard!! LOL :)
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